So, like usual I never really plan out my day in advanced. I am more of a go with the flow type of person, you know wherever life takes me man. So, I’m walking down the street and find this hot girl like really really HOT girl. So as the smooth talker I am I go up to her and ask her on a date. So we go on this date and we are walking through the park when we find this open portal type thing anyways we decide like any sane person to go into the portal. And it was just like our world but, everything was going wrong. I tripped over my shoe lace as soon as I walked in, a bird pooped on me, and to top it off I guess this chick has a boyfriend. Just my luck. I basically said screw this I’m out, and I went back into the portal to the real world to find something else to do.

As most of you know I am not the sharpest tool in the shed. I may not be the smartest but, I am 100% always down for a good time. Some people say I have bit of an attitude or that I am a little “too confident” but, I am pretty sure that is not a thing. One of my many talents is taking any simple task and looking like a god damn genius while I’m doing it. Although, most of these activities are illegal… on that note I got a story about last night for you.

Some know me as naturally being manipulative, cunning, or even evil. That’s how I got the name “Sneaky Pawn Boi”. But honestly, I’d say that I’m a pretty lovable person- which is why I don’t understand why people hate me for no apparent reason at all. I have the dramatic/unique hand gestures and words that I believe can move any crowd, but in the end, they all still hate me.

For example, one time I found a rare treasure called the “theet” and was told to take it to the Tri State Portal have it checked out. But some lady cut me off while waiting in line. I convinced her that the Tri State Portal was a time traveling device and she went inside… and was never seen again, not knowing where it leads to. Proving that I’m kind of an asshole. But then I turned around and saw the most evil human ever that did the same thing. It was love at first sight, and the rest is history because this was the only person that hasn’t rejected me.

I’m Robin Nimbus. I’ve always been really poor, so one day I decide to steal this guy’s horse. He catches me but can tell I needed some help, so he takes me in. His name is Flint and he’s a wizard cowboy vigilante. He trains me to be his sidekick. When we finally go on our first mission, I get killed by a bank robber! Next thing I know, I’m awake again, but only sort of. I’m more like a backseat passenger in my own body. I’m controlled by someone else now, and there are these skeletal wings protruding from my back. The guy in control tells Flint that he’s Macix, a spirit whose purpose is to find true evil and exact vengeance upon it. Then the sheriff station starts on fire, and the two of them go to help. They end up teaming up to find who did it, and they are led to the culprit: my own brother, Magnus! This gets me so emotional that I take back control of my body. Magnus and I have an emotional reunion, but then Macix takes the wheel and fucking kills him! Then I get killed by a petty criminal AGAIN! 

It’s not fun being the socially awkward, annoying younger sibling. People think I’m weird when I make loud noises and emphasize my words, but they think I’m even weirder when I don’t speak at all. Compared to my older brother, I’m just the creepy child who’s forced to live in his shadow…but not for long. I am sick and tired of him and his friends calling me names and making fun of me, it’s about time I do something. This is where the story begins.

It’s after school now, about 3:30, and I walk from my middle school to my older brother’s high school, where he is playing a basketball game tonight. Or so he thinks. I casually make my way to the boys’ locker room where I see the team water bottles. I’m not saying I poisoned water bottles…but lets just say my brother and his friends will be making frequent trips to the bathroom during the game tonight. As I sneak back out of the locker room I nearly run into the head coach. He looks me up and down but doesn’t question me. I get lucky like I always do.

I can’t say the same for my brother and his friends.

Being an evil being with no remorse, I love to be an asshole. I love to be mean and rude to others because it’s fun. It helps me get through my days. That’s just how I’ve always been. You see as a kid I just felt like the world was so boring. People always talked about the heros. Tha is boring. Why not the villains? They are the masterminds here. That is what inspired me to become one. I want to be talked about. I wanted to be the most evil and hated villain in the world. Yeah my parents aren’t proud of me, but I don’t have to worry about what they think anymore. 😉 thanks hitman. 

Anyways my goal right now is to go after the most prized item. The “theet”. It is an item everyone is going after. I am the one trying to go and prove that I can be talked about. I am important. This town is so boring. I like to take things my own way and be mean to people. It’s my specialty. I love it. People being miserable makes me realize that I am doing my job right. Also why not have a partner in crime? Hopefully I’ll meet my Harley Quinn soon. I’ll just have to keep being an asshole 😉

cruise on my fancy bike—a harley. mission ready. deliver jewel to disclosed drop point: central park. CIA director meet in set location. undercover. top secret. jewel secure in my pack. alert. rival biker approaching. behind me. protect jewel. no harm without a fight. skyscraper skyline close. swerve. approaches faster. between cars, taxis, busses. honk. shout. unhappy people. for their own good. jewel is too powerful. if in the wrong hands. trouble promised. chasing for selfish reasons. undeserving. rips off side mirrors. has no mercy. unacceptable. must protect my city. CIA needs me. think fast. split decision. jump. midair off bike. smoothly roll into sprint. jewel under arm. under freeway. lost biker. to meeting point. hurry. to central park. act normal. think fast. need refuge. i see: billboards, pigeons, pizza, bodegas, coffee shops. coffee shops. yes. enter. friendly people. turn around. nice girl. strike conversation. hi. smile. hold door. walk and talk. jewel drop point. almost. just wait. central park. she suspects me. she is CIA director.

Okay so I’ve got a story to tell. I know I’m only 12, but I’m a superhero. Pretty rad, right? Anyway, my arch nemesis is this other 12 year-old named Raven. I have another arch nemesis too, namely a large red dragon that also likes to terrorize the city… but I haven’t seen her lately. My main concern is the fact that I’ve found myself starting to have a small crush on Raven. I know what you’ve got to be thinking “You’re a kid who fights crime but can’t drive a car. How could you know what love is?”

Bro, I don’t know how it works but I just know I like her. Anyway, one day Raven and I had to team up when some dude started to cause trouble downtown; He didn’t know it, but he was messing around with the invisible barrier that raven and I put up (which applies concepts of quantum physics and different algorithms) to keep our super arch nemesis out. After we got him to leave, Raven and I just decided to go get ice cream down the street. I’m sure she could tell I was head over heels for her as we ate, but the odd thing is that she seemed to be the same way.

After we finished our ice cream and were back outside is when the big dragon came and landed in the street. I was ready to fight, but Raven just walked over to her. When I tried to follow however, the same dude that Raven and I had stopped from messing with the barrier earlier stopped me. He started rattling on about how he “made breakfast for someone and didn’t appreciate it when they started flipping out about the fact that he had included a live piranha in the dish” and “how he got into their house”; but since I was only interested in being with raven and not him, I called the police over.

The two cops who answered my call were talking about some case they had just solved. Apparently, the person who committed the crime had tried to run away, but the one of the two cops wound up backing over him by accident, so he couldn’t exactly run away after that. Sounded a little weird but I just decided to brush it off and go after Raven. When I tried to talk to her though the dragon wound up getting in my way, wrapping her tail around Raven protectively. I looked to raven for this, as I was confused. She gave me the tiniest smile when I told her that I liked her, before patting the dragon’s tail and telling me

“I like you too. And don’t mind my mom, she’s just protective.”

I wanted to become a hero because I was treated poorly as a kid by some kids at the fair.

I was fighting off bad guys like any normal superhero kid would. This villain had a terribly creepy laugh. I tracked him down to the second floor of the Eiffel tower.

I thought his plan was to plant a bomb but what I found was a fart grenade. I come to find out Dr. Evil is working with this scary dude who wears a gas mask so he will not smell the fart grenade go off. 

I remembered this place across the street that sold spy tools and when I went there a gun that turned humans into animals!!! I bought the gun and tracked the dudes down and found them back at the scene of the crime.How the gun works is whatever animal you are thinking of becoming.I turned them into talking pigs.

I never knew what to do with them so I kept them, they lived with me. One big happy family…although I liked one more than the other but I could never make up my mind.