Category: Trouble in the Tri-state

The life of a wizard cowboy such as myself takes you by the reins. The days are long… and the nights are even longer, full of danger to be wrassled, and drinks to be drunk. I woke up that morning once again in an empty house on the outskirts of town, with Robin long gone since that fateful day. I wiped the drool from my chin, and buckled my bootstraps. That hangover hit harder than any other I’ve ever had. Guess I should go on and get on my way to the good ol’ pharmaceutical.

I had gotten the proper hangover cure I was achin’ for, and was just ’roundin the corner when I heard a small commotion. I came into sight of the scene and there, like a toddler reachin’ for the forbidden cookie jar was a young boy trying to untie and steal my horse! I had only seen this type of bravery once before… It almost brought a tear to my eye. I knew this boy was in trouble, much like Robin was that one fateful mornin’. And on that day, a beautiful new adventure had begun…

Apparently it was the Mayor that was behind all of this! At least that’s what Robin told me the next morning. Man, it sure is hard to believe that the people of the tri state area trusted that arsonist with their lives and tax dollars.

All’s in a day’s work for good ol’ Flint Radaghast and Robin.

I figured, after all this here victories we here have been havin’, it was time that I take good ol’ Robin out for a drink. I’m not quite sure what happened after we unmasked the mayor, but all I know is that Robin no longer goes by Macy or whatever. I sure am glad he got that sorted out. Identity crisis is no joke.

Robin and I pulled up to the bar and already could hear quite the ruckus emerging from inside the bar. We proceeded inside, and as soon as those doors swung closed, one of the goons pulled out his pistol and had it aimed at the other fella’ he was fightin’!

No good citizen of this tri state area would ever dream of taking down a fella’ civilian. I drew my magic pistol and told the goon to “hold it right there!” Robin was quick to have my back, and threaten we throw their butts in jail for such ruckus. Just as I was about to pull the trigger on my mild stunning bullet, a loud KABLAMO shot through the bar. I expected the other civilian to fall to he ground but it was none other than… Robin!

It’s been weeks since the Sheriff’s Department was attacked by an arsonist. Since then, buildings throughout town have gone up in flames like unattended weenies at a bonfire. Macy (or whatever his name is) and I have been ruthlessly tracking down clues to this great mystery. It keeps me up at night wondering who would possibly want to do such a thing to the tri-state area that I fondly call home.

On yet another fateful morning, I woke up from my drunken slumber and knocked back a few of those “hangover cures” to really make sure my morning started off on the right foot.

After another grueling day of firefightin’ (not what I signed up for when I became a wizard cowboy by the way), Macy and I were able to take one of the mindless henchmen hostage. It was at that point that things got pretty fuzzy for me… All I know is there was the mayor, a betrayal, an unmasking, a throwback, and a lot of fighting and death… I barely escaped by the leather of my bootstraps.

Well I thought my life was over and would fade into darkness. Oh how I wish to be enveloped by sweet nothing, but no. I’m sitting in some kind of afterlife waiting room. It smells like eggs in here. Well I guess at least I’m not alone in this god forsaken place. By my side is my estranged brother, Robin. I guess he was killed not too long after me. Pretty neat if you think about it. I can’t believe I was about to turn my life around only to be killed by a drunk wizard named Flint. Flint! Who names their kid Flint? Anyways, this is my final message to the world: life starts with pain and ends with pain. All I know is pain and all I smell is eggs. Goodbye forever.

Everything was going according to plan. So I thought. The city was going up in flames (it was a beautiful sight) and those two nitwits kept putting them out. They eventually caught my henchmen in the act. His unloyal ass led them to me in my office. Not cool. 

To my surprise the one beside the bumbling wizard was my brother, Robin. At least he looked like Robin. Half the time he acted as someone named Macy or something, I don’t know. I thought I hated him for letting my parents neglect me like they did, but when I saw him an overwhelming sense of forgiveness came over me. We hugged and I vowed to never commit an evil act and then BLAM! I was shot by that spreak (spell-freak) (I guess that’s a pretty sick burn in the wizarding world). My last and final action was to write this because the people deserve to know the truth. Goodbye cruel world.

So the first part of my plan didn’t go as planned, but still ended up working out for me. Two imbeciles somehow put an end to the bank robbery, but as the mayor I was able to turn the story around and make myself look like the hero. My idiot constituents will believe anything as long as I’m wearing a suit. I’m still in the good graces in my city, so things are looking good.

I’ve given my henchmen instructions to set off a series of fires throughout the city. There’s nothing better than the smell of small businesses going up in smoke! I need to figure out how to stop these two fools that stopped me the first time. It shouldn’t be too hard considering one is a sorry excuse for a wizard. (I’ve heard he’s never gotten a spell right).

Well where do I even start? My name is Magnus Nimbus. Growing up I was completely neglected by my parents. I was used as the house’s garden gnome, which might not sound too bad, but to say it was awful would be an understatement. I was out there in the rain, snow, and sleet day in and day out. Growing up like that takes a toll and at a certain point I started to spend every second in my pointy hat plotting my revenge. 

My first move was to win the trust of the town that saw my tragic childhood and did nothing about it. Easily I became mayor in my Tri-State area city. All it took was kissing a few babies and I was well on my way of deploying my evil plan. 

I had to be careful not to get caught so I could continue my reign of terror, so I found a rent henchmen site and got my own. The first job I gave my unnamed assistant was to rob the most successful bank in town. It went just as I had planned. A great step in creating madness in this hell hole.

On a morning just like any other, I woke up, fed my trusty steed, and went on to reorganizing my bullets, since I’ve had a few mishaps with them lately. Robin (or whoever the hell was in his body) still hangs around here quite a bit since I reanimated him.

While I was lost in thought, Macy or whatever and I heard distant shouting from outside. I swung open my front door and saw billowing smoke rising from the Sheriff’s department! We had to act on this, and quick. I saddled up my trusty horse, and Macy or whatever saddled up his… tennis shoes and we ran like the wind to the center of town.

By the time we arrive, the whole department is ablaze. I whip out my trusty gun and magic cast it into a mega Super Soaker and put out the flames. We’ve gotta find out who’s behind all this, and fast.

It’s been months since I had inadvertently put Robin out to pasture. I decided that enough is enough. After months of grieving I had decided that that day was the day to bring back my plucky sidekick. I am a wizard after all, this should be easy.

I had never actually performed anything like this at all, I had only seen it in movies. At the time, I knew I was barking up the wrong tree. In the back of my mind I knew that dealing with dark magic such as this could lead to some dealings with demons that were not intended. But I was willing to take this risk, the well being of the tri-state area depended on it!

I took out my ancient book of spells, and flipped through the table of contents until I found… Aha! “Resurrection and Other Dark Spells You Probably Shouldn’t Cast”. Just what I needed. I followed the directions, like a shark follows an injured surfer. After hours of spell casting to no avail, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was too late for Robin to come ba-

That thought was interrupted by a knock at the door. I opened cautiously only to see… Robin! He was quite muddy and had the stench of death still on him, but it was undoubtedly him! He was acting a bit off though. He asked me to call him by some different name too. Macy or somethin’? I don’t know, kids these days and their trends. I’ll never be able to catch up with ’em.

After taking Robin under my wing, I decided after weeks of greulin’ training that it was his time to finally come out with me on a mission. Like a baby bird learning to fly, Robin was finally ready to flap his wings in the world of crime fightin’.

After a series of arsons throughout the humble town I protect, quite fearlessly I might add, we had a hunch as to who the culprit behind it all was. We had tracked the location of the villain, using my wizard intuition and Robin’s surveillance skills. We had made our way through his booby trapped lair, like mice in a maze. Finally, we were faced with the silhouette of the culprit. With my magic pistol already in my hands, I asked the fella’ to turn ’round. He slowly revolved and emerged from the shadows…

I aim my magic bullet to shoot him, my finger on the trigger and KABLAMO I take my shot. I didn’t even get a chance to see the guy!

Now, despite being a renowned cowboy, my aim hasn’t quite caught up with my countless other skills. My bullet ricocheted off the cavern walls and bounced around like a pinball. Finally, my magic bullet found its home. It landed in none other than Robin’s chest. At that very moment, I truly did feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. My beloved sidekick with so much potential, was now only reduced to flesh n’ bone.