Category: Members

My job as a Beverage Speculator consists of investing in beverages, in the hopes to make a profit. I often will buy out all of the beverages at restaurants, and sell them individually to the tables, at a higher price. Because I am so young, I have been pretty successful in my career. Nobody wants to say no to kids selling drinks, look at the success of Lemonade stands. I started out my career on my driveway, selling lemonade when I was three. I am now 8, and buying out all of the high class restaurants beverages in downtown Seattle, and making more than 100k a year.

I use specific sounds and shots of already aired commercials and edit them for other companies use, which is cheaper than producing their own. They come to me for a reasonable price. I work on the black market since I don’t get the rights to use the footage. I come up with my own unique templates and implement the company’s own product into them. 

Being a sophisticated ans talented McDonald’s Writer in Tokyo, Japan, job duties involve writing detailed scripts for our: TV commercials, job interview questions for managers to ask applicants, and employees to say while cashiering the drive thru. Not only do I write scripts, but I also come up with unique/authentic names for food on the menu. (The McRib was my best one). Even though my work is very behind the scenes, I like to say that my job is the backbone of this company.

In my line of work you have to have thick skin. Literally. Most of my job is sitting at tattoo shops and making fun of the clients that are getting inked up. The jokes aren’t always directed at the customers sometimes I make jokes about the artists, or the stereotypes surrounding tattoos.  Most of the time I get hired by tattoo shops, and a few times a year I get booked for a tattoo convention. I am in tattoo shops so much that naturally my whole body is covered in tattoos. My main goal in this career path is to make people laugh and try to remind them that it’s not that serious.

My job as an underwater dentist is not quite what you think. I have an 11 gallon fish tank that I keep White-banded Cleaner Shrimp in. The patient then dumps their head into the tank and the shrimp cleans their teeth. When that is done I put fluoride on their teeth.

As an international corporate nurse, I prioritize providing balance and well-rounded care for patients in many corporate settings around the world. While I am currently based in St. Paul, Minnesota, I find myself traveling to Dubai and Tokyo very often. Because of my PhD in Criminal Special Effects and a profound love for murder scenes in bad TV shows, I am highly trained in case of a gory emergency.

 I help people who have relationship troubles fix their hair since they can’t fix their relationship problems. People like to come to me because not only am I good at fixing hair, I’m also good at listening. But to be honest honey, I don’t care about your problems, I just want the money.