Category: Flash Fiction

Being an evil being with no remorse, I love to be an asshole. I love to be mean and rude to others because it’s fun. It helps me get through my days. That’s just how I’ve always been. You see as a kid I just felt like the world was so boring. People always talked about the heros. Tha is boring. Why not the villains? They are the masterminds here. That is what inspired me to become one. I want to be talked about. I wanted to be the most evil and hated villain in the world. Yeah my parents aren’t proud of me, but I don’t have to worry about what they think anymore. 😉 thanks hitman. 

Anyways my goal right now is to go after the most prized item. The “theet”. It is an item everyone is going after. I am the one trying to go and prove that I can be talked about. I am important. This town is so boring. I like to take things my own way and be mean to people. It’s my specialty. I love it. People being miserable makes me realize that I am doing my job right. Also why not have a partner in crime? Hopefully I’ll meet my Harley Quinn soon. I’ll just have to keep being an asshole 😉

cruise on my fancy bike—a harley. mission ready. deliver jewel to disclosed drop point: central park. CIA director meet in set location. undercover. top secret. jewel secure in my pack. alert. rival biker approaching. behind me. protect jewel. no harm without a fight. skyscraper skyline close. swerve. approaches faster. between cars, taxis, busses. honk. shout. unhappy people. for their own good. jewel is too powerful. if in the wrong hands. trouble promised. chasing for selfish reasons. undeserving. rips off side mirrors. has no mercy. unacceptable. must protect my city. CIA needs me. think fast. split decision. jump. midair off bike. smoothly roll into sprint. jewel under arm. under freeway. lost biker. to meeting point. hurry. to central park. act normal. think fast. need refuge. i see: billboards, pigeons, pizza, bodegas, coffee shops. coffee shops. yes. enter. friendly people. turn around. nice girl. strike conversation. hi. smile. hold door. walk and talk. jewel drop point. almost. just wait. central park. she suspects me. she is CIA director.

Okay so I’ve got a story to tell. I know I’m only 12, but I’m a superhero. Pretty rad, right? Anyway, my arch nemesis is this other 12 year-old named Raven. I have another arch nemesis too, namely a large red dragon that also likes to terrorize the city… but I haven’t seen her lately. My main concern is the fact that I’ve found myself starting to have a small crush on Raven. I know what you’ve got to be thinking “You’re a kid who fights crime but can’t drive a car. How could you know what love is?”

Bro, I don’t know how it works but I just know I like her. Anyway, one day Raven and I had to team up when some dude started to cause trouble downtown; He didn’t know it, but he was messing around with the invisible barrier that raven and I put up (which applies concepts of quantum physics and different algorithms) to keep our super arch nemesis out. After we got him to leave, Raven and I just decided to go get ice cream down the street. I’m sure she could tell I was head over heels for her as we ate, but the odd thing is that she seemed to be the same way.

After we finished our ice cream and were back outside is when the big dragon came and landed in the street. I was ready to fight, but Raven just walked over to her. When I tried to follow however, the same dude that Raven and I had stopped from messing with the barrier earlier stopped me. He started rattling on about how he “made breakfast for someone and didn’t appreciate it when they started flipping out about the fact that he had included a live piranha in the dish” and “how he got into their house”; but since I was only interested in being with raven and not him, I called the police over.

The two cops who answered my call were talking about some case they had just solved. Apparently, the person who committed the crime had tried to run away, but the one of the two cops wound up backing over him by accident, so he couldn’t exactly run away after that. Sounded a little weird but I just decided to brush it off and go after Raven. When I tried to talk to her though the dragon wound up getting in my way, wrapping her tail around Raven protectively. I looked to raven for this, as I was confused. She gave me the tiniest smile when I told her that I liked her, before patting the dragon’s tail and telling me

“I like you too. And don’t mind my mom, she’s just protective.”

I wanted to become a hero because I was treated poorly as a kid by some kids at the fair.

I was fighting off bad guys like any normal superhero kid would. This villain had a terribly creepy laugh. I tracked him down to the second floor of the Eiffel tower.

I thought his plan was to plant a bomb but what I found was a fart grenade. I come to find out Dr. Evil is working with this scary dude who wears a gas mask so he will not smell the fart grenade go off. 

I remembered this place across the street that sold spy tools and when I went there a gun that turned humans into animals!!! I bought the gun and tracked the dudes down and found them back at the scene of the crime.How the gun works is whatever animal you are thinking of becoming.I turned them into talking pigs.

I never knew what to do with them so I kept them, they lived with me. One big happy family…although I liked one more than the other but I could never make up my mind.

As a young girl, Alexandra had incredible strength, but being a 15 year old still stuck in elementary school, she was heavily picked on.

One day, she was walking and she found a nickel on the sidewalk. “My lucky day!” she exclaimed. Then, a man came and tapped her on the shoulder from behind, “Sorry ma’am, but that is my son’s nickel, he dropped it and wanted it to buy an ice cream”

“That sucks.” She said and pulled out a gun. She shot the boy in the arm. “I think you should use this nickel to pay for your hospital bills instead.” She tosses the nickel back to the dad. “Why would you do this??” The father cries.

“I’ve never loved myself and my parents were abusive” she smirks over her shoulder while she walks away. While there were several complications with her careless violence, she immersed herself in an extensive array of knowledge, in Dune. In fact really the only thing she did understand. Anyways, the importance of that is not important at all, or is it?

“I’m a chisler, really. Chisling this, chisling that. A sculptor, really. But, I’ll keep you laughing. Kind of a dork… My buddy, Urbo, and Suburbo and I are always looking for something – trouble, fun, you name it. We take it seriously. We have to; we’re desperate. Sad, really. Who knows, might win the lottery. It’s happened before. Millions upon millions.“

Rura scratches away the silver coating from the lottery ticket, and what do you know? Rura wins her money back. The letdown is palpable, the air exiting the room like a spent balloon. But, Rura won’t give up. Look. Everyone’s laughing now; Urbo, Suburbo, and I. Rura’s laughing too. Maniacally.