Abathan Appleburn (College Pot Roast)

— This is not any ordinary Beef Pot Roast. This is the college version of one of the greatest foods on this great earth.

Salt and freshly ground black pepper 

One 3- to 5-pound chuck roast  

2 or 3 tablespoons olive oil 

2 whole onions, peeled and halved 

6 to 8 whole carrots, unpeeled, cut into 2-inch pieces 

1 cup Natural Light, optional 

3 cups beef broth 

2 or 3 sprigs fresh rosemary 

2 or 3 sprigs fresh Safron 

1. Preheat the oven to 275 degrees F.  

2. Generously salt and pepper the chuck roast.  

3. Heat the olive oil in large pot or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add the halved onions to the pot, browning them on both sides. Remove the onions to a plate.  

4. Throw the carrots into the same very hot pot and toss them around a bit until slightly browned, about a minute or so. Reserve the carrots with the onions.  

5. If needed, add a bit more olive oil to the very hot pot. Place the meat in the pot and sear it for about a minute on all sides until it is nice and brown all over. Remove the roast to a plate.  

6. With the burner still on high, use either Natural Light or White Claw (about 1 cup) to deglaze the pot, scraping the bottom with a whisk. Place the roast back into the pot and add enough beef stock to cover the meat halfway.  

7. Add in the onions and the carrots, along with the fresh Safron, Rosemary 

8. Put the lid on, then roast for 3 hours for a 3-pound roast. For a 4 to 5-pound roast, plan on 4 hours. The roast is ready when it’s fall-apart tender. 

Beef Wellington for Rejects

There is nothing I like better than Beef Wellington. But, in today’s world who has time to go through the elaborate process of making such a thing? To satisfy my cravings, and to keep up with today’s active lifestyle I have developed a simple alternative that will delight your family, and impress your dinner party guests.

INGREDIENTS:
1 lb of ground beef
beef lard
1 can of mushrooms (don’t use fresh – too much time chopping)
1 can of SPAM sliced thin
2 packets of mustard lifted from your favorite restaurant of cafeteria
1 loaf of WonderBread

METHOD:
Throw everything in a blender, except for the WonderBread, and blend until it makes a paste reminiscent of putty.
Smash the Wonderbread with a large hammer until it is paper thin.
Layout the Wonderbread and place the meat putty ontop, forming a sort of loaf.
Wrap the Wonderbread around the meat putty loaf.

Cook in the microwave on High, until you think it might be safe to eat.
Slice to serve. That goo you find in the SPAM can makes a great sauce!
Goes great with Reject Pickled Vegetables, and Reject Olives.

Actual recipe looks NOTHING like this!!!

Alexandra Warling – Cream Cheese roll ups

This is one of my favorite recipes since it uses cream cheese.

Ingredients

  • 1 package of cream cheese, or 2 if you really like cream cheese like me
  • 3 slices of salami cut the long way (i would suggest buying a whole log)
  • pepperoncini peppers, drained (as many as you need to fill the long slices of salami)

Directions

  1. Cut the salami horizontally to make long slices
  2. slap on some cream cheese in a heavy, thick layer
  3. lay the pepperoncini peppers across the cream cheese
  4. roll the hot dog way and there you go!

Alexandra Warling

My hobbies include taking pictures of food and posting them on instagram, as well as singing as loud as i can to Karaoke. I have 3 loyal followers that comment and like my posts on instagram. I used to have 4, but we don’t talk about Helen.

I take photos of anything and everything I eat. Mainly things I cook myself. I wouldn’t say im a wiz with filters and photoshop, but i have to say this is one of my best photos! My process was, everybody loves nachos right? So, why not make nachos but with more tortilla chip so you don’t have to worry about soggy chips, and i came up with this!

The perfect nachos

Karaoke is a total different world for me. I’ve been considering quitting my job and becoming a singer. Everybody loves my singing, they always pull out their phones and i put a smile on their face. Some even ask me for photos, although they never stay around to chat. I usually go to a karaoke bar, and i always have people knocking on the door telling me to sing louder, but sometimes i wonder why they sound angry.

Anyway, those are my two favorite things to do in the entire world and i love them so much. I wouldn’t call myself a pro, but pretty damn close!