Category: The Terrible Trio… Minus One

Moments before being vaporized, I heard Ryuk laughing behind me. The god of death warned me when I picked up his Death Note that “No human who’s ever come into contact with a death note has lived to tell the tale.” Ryuk knew throughout the entire operation that I was going to die at the end of it. Once my spirit left my body, he was there to accompany me to the world of the dead: the Shinigami realm. Little did I know that the price for a shinigami to enter the human world, is the life of another human; I’ll have to keep that trick in mind now that I’m immortal! That was Doom’s biggest mistake! I will create an ideal world that is free from all of the rotten souls that inhabit it. I AM THE NEW GOD OF THIS WORLD!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

SO THIS MF DOOM GUY THINKS HE OUTSMARTED ME DOES HE!? Well he’s absolutely right I had no idea this was coming. This dude just came out of nowhere, waltzed into the shuttle right behind us, and we had no fcking clue he was there. Doesn’t Palpatine have the force?? Shouldn’t he have felt his presence or something?? Mother of Ryuk, this is worse than Disney’s writing.

Anyway, Doom Guy killed me and I had no clue it even happened until I was ashes on the floor. Palpatine’s b*tch ass probably found a way out of the situation too like the coward he is. CURSE YOU DOOM GUY! I WAS THIS CLOSE TO CREATING THE PERFECT WORLD!!

Palpatine is such a schmuck. “Dark Lord of the Sith” my ass, this dude is as simple-minded as a gnat. All I had to do was tell him he could electrocute and murder anyone he wanted as long as we make it to NASA and hijack a rocket to gtf off this planet. For whatever reason it seems like Doom Guy was a bit more difficult to convince since he’s nowhere to be seen. Whatever, he was a pawn anyway. Once all of the security guards were tazed by that weird lightning sh*t Palpatine has going on, I grabbed the notepad with the pilots’ names and killed them off for a smoother infiltration into the rocket. As easy as stealing an apple from a Shinigami.

Im like Doom… what the hell are you doing here, and where have you been?! Before I could say another word he pulls out this BFG (Biiiig F*ckin Gun) and just starts spraying and praying. He incinerated my buddy Light, rest his soul, but I managed to dive behind the pilots seat and escape through the hatch in the floor before Doom could get me. Its unfortunate, light probably thinks I died right there with him. Next thing I know Doom Guy was firing up the engine and on his way up. Thats the last I ever saw him. I came to find out a few days later that he had gone into hiding and was planning to overthrow us. But oh well, honestly life isn’t that bad. I turned in my lightsaber and resigned from being a villain. Plus I found this really cute corgi recently. Her name is Iggy and I plan to spend the rest of my journeys with her.

Well NASA’s security was worse than the guys they had at my high school. All I did was pull out my lightsaber and those guys were long gone. So when we got through there I felt a little better about our ridiculous plan. It was all falling into place. Not even 50 yards ahead of us was the spaceship we were planning to hijack and they were in the middle of priming the engines. We distracted the guys at the control panel and snuck our way into the cockpit of the ship. When we got into the cockpit there were 3 dead bodies. Light just laughed and said “I knew it would work!” apparently he had some death note or something? I don’t really know to be honest. I was just trying to get the hell out of there. Come to our surprise, Doom Guy appears right behind us in the control room with an evil look on his face…

So now Light and myself are sitting here the next day trying to figure out how we are gonna not only navigate through space but how we are going to acquire a spaceship to do so. I mean we had everything else figured out- hyperspace capability, deflector shields, thrust. I just needed some time to put the pieces together.

We got an informant who worked for NASA years prior to give us details on all the ships they had along with their capabilities. When we found the right one, all we needed to do was get through NASA’s security and hijack the ship.

The last few weeks have been a complete sh*t show. Hell literally broke loose and now the authorities are profiling the “villains”. I mean im hardly a villain.. Yeah I carry around a burning hot red blade but who cares. Thats no ones business anyways. I take one step out of my house and those guys are on me like white on rice. Anyways, per usual I’m with my buddy Light (Usually Doom Guy is with us but I think the feds got him and we haven’t heard from him) but he’s freaking out saying we have to escape but the only way is through space. I’m over here like great… i’m the only one who knows Venus from Mercury. Jesus, its only Tuesday.. this will be interesting.

Nothing is more satisfying than waking up to the adrenaline rush of being a god of death. I’m just like your average human though. I get up, do some light stretching to get the blood flowing, and then I write in my journal to stimulate my brain. The only catch is that whoever’s name I write in my Death Note will die of a heart attack 40 seconds after I finish writing. It’s really quite invigorating! However, the FBI has been on my tail for years now and they’ve started closing in on me. It’s really too bad for them that I’ve made some powerful new allies recently…

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