My job as an underwater dentist is not quite what you think. I have an 11 gallon fish tank that I keep White-banded Cleaner Shrimp in. The patient then dumps their head into the tank and the shrimp cleans their teeth. When that is done I put fluoride on their teeth.
As an Astrological Secretary, I keep track of records relating to zodiac signs and planets discussed in our daily meetings. I also write and publish horoscopes online, as well as answer phone calls and schedule appointments for clients seeking comprehensive horoscope readings in person.
As an international corporate nurse, I prioritize providing balance and well-rounded care for patients in many corporate settings around the world. While I am currently based in St. Paul, Minnesota, I find myself traveling to Dubai and Tokyo very often. Because of my PhD in Criminal Special Effects and a profound love for murder scenes in bad TV shows, I am highly trained in case of a gory emergency.
I help people who have relationship troubles fix their hair since they can’t fix their relationship problems. People like to come to me because not only am I good at fixing hair, I’m also good at listening. But to be honest honey, I don’t care about your problems, I just want the money.
As a McDonalds Activist I advocate for Ronald McDonald to make sure his image is in good standing within society. If there is an issue or controversy involving Mr. McDonald I jump into action to make sure his name isn’t tarnished in any way, shape or form. I work in press regarding Mr. McDonald and advocate for him to be considered a worldwide treasure, just like Pitbull.
Serves as a personal cashier for the growing Russian Community residing in Seattle, Washington. Exchanges money with Russians who don’t trust the American Banking System and acts as a community trustee. Stores large sums of money in undisclosed locations. Hasn’t found a use for his Innovative Biology Degree yet.
I take various drugs such as cocaine, heroin, weed, molly, etc. Then I create abstract art while on the drugs. I will make artwork that doesn’t make sense, or illogical to normal sober people. Taking drugs while makings the art just increases the amount of illogic.
Little known to the public, there is a certain quota that needs to be met when it comes to the amount of single hairs found in food. The McDonald’s Hairdresser is in charge of strategically placing each of these hairs in McDonald’s Happy Meals, to either be ingested by customers, or discovered and brought to the counter for a refund. Think “Willy Wonka’s Golden Ticket”, except disgusting.
Most people are not familiar with my line of work, and that is because it takes an extreme set of skills to perfect the craft. To be honest my job gets a little lonely, for the most part I sit in a soda vending machine and I am the person who delivers the pop to the costumer. It’s pretty dark and cramped but, I don’t mind. PSA please stop kicking the vending machines, I’m working as fast as I can.
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