Category: Flash Fiction

Hello there. My name is Magnus Nimbus. From an early age I was objectified by my family as a garden gnome. Everyone in my city thought it was cute and watched my adolescent years be wasted away in my front yard. I missed out on everything. My hatred boiled within me for both my family and my city that turned a blind eye on me. My plan was simple. Become mayor of the city I despise most, set fire to the sheriff station, set fires around the city, and tear down what built me up to be this hateful man. 

Unfortunately my simple plan wasn’t so simple after all and I was stopped by two hooligans at nearly every turn. Turns out one of those two hooligans was my own brother. He stood before me after finding my identity. I figured I would feel nothing but hate for the person that stood by and let my parents treat me the way they did, but when I was in his midst I suddenly regretted all of my choices. I vowed to never rein terror on this city again. Just as I made this proclamation my brother himself shot me and I faded away into darkness and took my hate with me.

I’m Doom Slayer. I’m actually a super nice, down to earth, loveable guy. Well that is what most people know. I actually am a gunslinger. I feel the NEED to shoot every bad guy on this earth. I get rid of all the bad people, so everyone else can live a good life. So anyway, I have had feelings for this girl for the longest time, and now she’s starting to fall for a bad guy. She thinks I’m just some boring dude because I have no interests other than fighting bad guys, but I just can’t show her that side of me.

I was walking down the street the other day, and I was just kicking rocks, and one of them started glowing, so I picked it up. Then next thing I know, I’m back to my 8 year old self. I tried going to the girl’s house to see if she could help me turn back to present me, but I couldn’t get her to believe me. She actually believed me, and we went around looking for that magical rock. We found it after looking for a few days, and I grabbed it, and went back to my present day self. I then went and found the other guy that she likes and gave him the rock, you guess what happened next. So long story short, don’t pick up random rocks you find.

All I’ve ever known was the simple honest life of a wizard cowboy. Wake up, tend my stables, cast some spells, pack a lip, mix some potions, sleep and repeat. That is, until one day when I awoke to the sound of one of my horses getting riled up. That was the day I found my future companion and dear friend trying to steal one of my beloved bessies. From then on I took him under my wing. On a mission of ours, on a day like every other, I accidentally packed the wrong magic bullets and killed him. After much thought, I found a way to revive him. But he wasn’t quite the same. We went on business as usual. After a series of arson, it turns out that his brother was actually the one behind it, and had sinister plans with his new position as Mayor of my town. Something about vengeance against his parents that mistreated him. This plan in itself was very complex, and a simple cowboy wizard, such as myself, can’t be too bothered with the nitty gritty details. Anyway, he was defeated, and peace was restored to town. Until my mentee was killed again by my own gun. Again. 

Y’all know me. I go around destroying worlds and stuff. No biggie. When I was 2 years old I blew up my home planet because my mom didn’t cut the crust off my uncrustable. Since then I’ve sought to ruin the lives of everyone in existence. One time this turtle told me that I should destroy Earth and I was like, “Yeah, okay.” So I jumped from glenon to globnar until I reached Earth and bippity boppity boo I poofed the planet away with my sick magic wand.

But then outta nowhere the man on the moon showed up and slapped me across the face. In pure rage, I flipped my new blonde highlights out of my eyes and demanded to speak to his manager. After an intense discussion between the three of us, I could sense some deep feelings begin to fester within my cold dead heart. I fell in love with the man on the moon that day. Too bad he was in love with his manager. Life is unfair. Meh

You’ve heard the story a million times. Boy meets girl, girl falls in love with the boy. They live happily ever after and so on. Well, I thought that happened to me, but my man turned out to be an idiot. He is actually the most ugly and two-faced person I’ve ever met. I still let him hang around though because I’m too soft. The story I’m going to tell is a wild one so hang on. So my boyfriend and I have a rocky relationship all because of this b****. She is always hanging around us and is being annoying. So to make him a little jealous I went out one night and met a guy that seemed dumb enough to not notice what I am trying to do. I befriend this man as a friend and started inviting him to our outings with my friends and boyfriend. I would slightly flirt with him but I never actually crossed any boundaries.  I think I misjudged this guy though because he seemed to get shadier throughout the night. He seemed to be watching me to the point where my stupid boyfriend noticed. As we were leaving the place we were all hanging out at he came around the corner and said: “Your hair looked better yesterday”. I stood there in shook for a minute because I didn’t see him yesterday. I decided to never talk to him again because that’s creepy. I’ve been getting strange letters the past few days and I can’t help but think it’s the guy I met…  

            So, like usual I never really plan out my day in advanced. I am more of a go with the flow type of person, you know wherever life takes me man. So, I’m walking down the street and find this hot girl like really really HOT girl. So as the smooth talker I am I go up to her and ask her on a date. So we go on this date and we are walking through the park when we find this open portal type thing anyways we decide like any sane person to go into the portal. And it was just like our world but, everything was going wrong. I tripped over my shoe lace as soon as I walked in, a bird pooped on me, and to top it off I guess this chick has a boyfriend. Just my luck. I basically said screw this I’m out, and I went back into the portal to the real world to find something else to do.

As most of you know I am not the sharpest tool in the shed. I may not be the smartest but, I am 100% always down for a good time. Some people say I have bit of an attitude or that I am a little “too confident” but, I am pretty sure that is not a thing. One of my many talents is taking any simple task and looking like a god damn genius while I’m doing it. Although, most of these activities are illegal… on that note I got a story about last night for you.

Some know me as naturally being manipulative, cunning, or even evil. That’s how I got the name “Sneaky Pawn Boi”. But honestly, I’d say that I’m a pretty lovable person- which is why I don’t understand why people hate me for no apparent reason at all. I have the dramatic/unique hand gestures and words that I believe can move any crowd, but in the end, they all still hate me.

For example, one time I found a rare treasure called the “theet” and was told to take it to the Tri State Portal have it checked out. But some lady cut me off while waiting in line. I convinced her that the Tri State Portal was a time traveling device and she went inside… and was never seen again, not knowing where it leads to. Proving that I’m kind of an asshole. But then I turned around and saw the most evil human ever that did the same thing. It was love at first sight, and the rest is history because this was the only person that hasn’t rejected me.

I’m Robin Nimbus. I’ve always been really poor, so one day I decide to steal this guy’s horse. He catches me but can tell I needed some help, so he takes me in. His name is Flint and he’s a wizard cowboy vigilante. He trains me to be his sidekick. When we finally go on our first mission, I get killed by a bank robber! Next thing I know, I’m awake again, but only sort of. I’m more like a backseat passenger in my own body. I’m controlled by someone else now, and there are these skeletal wings protruding from my back. The guy in control tells Flint that he’s Macix, a spirit whose purpose is to find true evil and exact vengeance upon it. Then the sheriff station starts on fire, and the two of them go to help. They end up teaming up to find who did it, and they are led to the culprit: my own brother, Magnus! This gets me so emotional that I take back control of my body. Magnus and I have an emotional reunion, but then Macix takes the wheel and fucking kills him! Then I get killed by a petty criminal AGAIN! 

It’s not fun being the socially awkward, annoying younger sibling. People think I’m weird when I make loud noises and emphasize my words, but they think I’m even weirder when I don’t speak at all. Compared to my older brother, I’m just the creepy child who’s forced to live in his shadow…but not for long. I am sick and tired of him and his friends calling me names and making fun of me, it’s about time I do something. This is where the story begins.

It’s after school now, about 3:30, and I walk from my middle school to my older brother’s high school, where he is playing a basketball game tonight. Or so he thinks. I casually make my way to the boys’ locker room where I see the team water bottles. I’m not saying I poisoned water bottles…but lets just say my brother and his friends will be making frequent trips to the bathroom during the game tonight. As I sneak back out of the locker room I nearly run into the head coach. He looks me up and down but doesn’t question me. I get lucky like I always do.

I can’t say the same for my brother and his friends.